I felt it. It overwhelmed me for a few seconds and I shook it off almost immediately as I felt it. It just didn’t feel right allowing myself get soaked in Revenge.
I knew my ‘payback’ moment had come. That would have been the perfect time to correct all the wrongdoings that had been done to me in the past. So what stopped me?! God, the priests, my spiritual direction classes, my mum! All their teachings flooded my head just when I was about to execute my long awaited plan. The thoughts of these teachings started in my head then found their way into my heart, melting it to a pulp until I became helpless and annoyingly emotional about everything.
I tried everything possible to turn it back to ‘Revenge’ mode but all I could hear was that voice saying, “Chidi, just let it go. I am bigger than all of these”. And that’s how the narrative changed o! But the Nigerian in me was still trying to see how I could infuse some mischief in the help I was to render but to no avail. The truth is, when God is associated with something, everything is plain pure.
I won’t lie, I was angry. Angry at my helplessness. Angry at how God took over the situation. Angry at how my long awaited revenge just blew up in my face. But guess what, my anger didn’t last long. I felt these invisible hands on my shoulders, softly massaging me to calmness. I tell you, Anger is a horrible feeling and spirit that leaves you drained and in a regrettable situation. I felt drained and sick to my stomach that I almost allowed myself be that vengeful and bitter person.
I immediately wished I could turn back that situation and reply the way I would normally reply to any situation that required my help. I reminded myself again why I was different. I am not a hateful person nor a vengeful person.
That my friends, was my Bitter- sweet moment.