RESENTMENT, NO 1 KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS

RESENTMENT, NO 1 KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS

Now, who says supposedly ‘happily married’ couples don’t have issues?! Helloooo?!…if you feel like that and you are still on my page… kindly leave, as in quietly! Lol… okay, hold on… just stay and learn.

Apart from the many problems in marriage I know of, the one major one I can categorically tell you about is ‘Resentment’. This one is a slow poison that will not only consume you and your partner, but everything connected to your partner, be it living or non-living. And if not treated on time, it could affect every aspect of one’s life: focusing on your goals, forming relations (particularly healthy ones), living a genuinely happy life. Trust me, you don’t need these myriad of problems!

Resentment stems up mostly from Unmet Expectations. That is your spouse or partner hasn’t lived up to your criteria or expectations, especially when you feel you have put in 100% of yourself emotionally and physically. It further increases when he or she continues to exhibit behaviours that got you to that point in the first place. Wow!

I’ll give examples, so that it doesn’t feel like I’m blabbing. The examples will also help someone who has probably been living in denial start to understand whatever ‘poisonous’ emotions he or she may be going through.

Scenario 1

A man who feels he contributes more financially and sometimes physically in a relationship. Everytime he gets home each day and sees his wife or partner looking relaxed VERY relaxed. He assumes automatically that he’s the only one carrying he burden of the house. He doesn’t talk about it but just stores all this pent-up anger inside.

Scenario 2

A partner who feels totally neglected in her material needs despite all she puts on the table; she does EVERYTHING that you can think of in the house. Despite everything, she doesn’t get a thank you, not even a praise.

Scenario 3

A supposed joint account that an aggrieved partner doesn’t have access to. He or she is not even allowed to so much as smell the cheque book. All he or she knows is that at every point in time, he or she is expected to put a certain amount into that account.

I could go on and on, but the point is the feelings emanating from different situations are still very much the same.

Did I ever experience this feeling? Yes. And I’m sure I’m not the only one that sailed in this ship. The truth is that, nobody likes to be cheated by their ‘best friend’ or close buddy. Everyone loves to feel like they are on the same page as their partner.

So how do you get over this negative emotion, you may ask? Well, I’ll share with you some of my tips (practical ones o!) :

  1. Make God the center of your relationship and whatever decisions you intend to take. In short, pray ceaselessly. Because whether you like it or not, you require divine understanding of whatever situation you may be going through.
  2. Confide in a close pal or your spiritual leader. You never know how God wants to help you. It may be through a counsel from that trusted person. Besides the counsel, it gives a good feeling to get some load off your chest… or do you want to die young and unfulfilled? Just talk.
  3. Communicate your feelings to your spouse or partner. For all you know, he or she may be unaware of the resentments you harbour. You won’t lose anything if you express yourself. The more you express yourself, at the appropriate time though, the better you feel about your partner.
  4. For crying out loud! No one owes you anything. You owe yourself everything: a life full of happiness, proposed goals. Get rid of that ‘entitlement’ mentality. You are his wife, and so?! I’m the next of kin and so?

Finally , kindly end this pity party and start living a mentally healthy life.

N.B If you are going through this emotion now and you need neutral person to talk to and possibly a referral to a psychologist, send a message to this number on whatsapp 08185553713.

Only serious people will be attended to OR else you will be blocked permanently! Once your session is over, it is over! Don’t send a message about how the cock tried crossing the road and got killed…you will be blocked, I promise.

THIS HAS TO BE LOVE! 

THIS HAS TO BE LOVE! 

So, this morning, some article on tori.ng caught my attention. 

Cho’zyn and his bride to be


Now this guy, Cho’zyn (what a name), shocked people, when he proposed to his girlfriend in public. 

Cho’zyn proposing


My question is: what’s wrong with that? Is it because she’s plus-sized? Or you think plus-sized babes don’t deserve the same amount of love that ‘skinny’ girls get? I don’t just get it! Because, in all honesty, they don’t even know this girl as much as Cho’zyn (I still don’t get this name) does. Thank God, Cho’zyn did the right thing by publicly declaring his love to his woman for the right reasons! 

And in his own words, as expressed on social media…

#SheSaidYes!! Words can’t fully express how much I love you @virtuous.joy! Thank you for your constant love, encouragement, support, motivation, and being my best friend. Thank you for your patience with me and making me feel like the greatest.

At first, when I saw the article and the picture following it, I thought to myself, this must be a Nigerian guy trying to get citizenship from this innocent girl! Then I read that he was based there(whatever that means).

Gist culled from tori.ng

LOOK WHO’S BREAKING UP…AGAIN!

LOOK WHO’S BREAKING UP…AGAIN!

Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman have decided to split after just three years of marriage! At the least the good thing that came out of the marriage are her 2 beautiful daughters, Olive 3 and Frankie 23 months.

Let’s not forget that she was once married to Jeremy Thomas and the marriage lasted for a few weeks. Then she got married to Tom Green but a few months later, her then husband filed for a divorce.

I’m seriously trying not to be negatively judgemental but I can’t help but wonder what’s up with Drew?!  Really, if it’s not working for you after 3 men, then it’s either you are not cut out for marriage, or you have major problems!

Even though Drew’s being going on about ‘Trust’ and ‘Compromise’ …still trying to figure out what she’s talking about!

I sure hopes she finds what will truly make her happy!… And I love her O!

SHOULD PREGNANCY BE A PRE-REQUISITE FOR MARRIAGE?

SHOULD PREGNANCY BE A PRE-REQUISITE FOR MARRIAGE?

Giving that there seems to be a gradual rise in divorce rate due to infertility issues as one of the major cause, a certain group of individuals believe that it’s important a woman’s fertility be tested!  According to them, it will prevent a ‘fruitless’ marriage and unnecessary waste of time.

Well, I’m sorry but I beg to differ! As subjective as this issue is, any relationship based on this condition is a completely false one. Love, last time I checked, still remains unconditional. Therefore, any woman in this kind of relationship with rules, should bail out now…except if you are in it with a different agenda as well. That will be 1-1! Lol!

Anyways, what are your thoughts on this matter. Let’s see how many people think pregnancy is important  before marriage.

LAMAR ODOM FOUND UNCONSCIOUS IN A BROTHEL

LAMAR ODOM FOUND UNCONSCIOUS IN A BROTHEL

Ever since 35year old Lamar Odom, former NBA basketball star and ex-husband of Khloe Kardashian, was found unconscious and unresponsive in a legal brothel, Khloe has remained inconsolable.

He was said to have taken a lot of ‘herbal Viagra’ but no illegal drugs where found. After he checked in on a Saturday, he was found unconscious at about 3:30pm that same day.

What’s hurting me about this whole gist is the fact that this guy, Lamar, was obviously hurting inside and the only way he saw fit to sort his problem out was to engage in ‘activities’ that were obviously going to increase his pain. Khloe really tried to get him to therapy but he kept failing!

The fact that Khloe left him, just did him in. He really felt the impact of the divorce and then proceeded on a journey of self destruction.
image

The moral of this incidence is that if you are hurting in any way, try to reach out to someone who loves you or someone who you can trust with your secret or seek professional help. Your problem is not and can’t be more than the next person’s own.
Don’t mind that ‘they’ said he went to enjoy himself, the guy was battling psychological and emotional issues.

I only hope he comes out of this soon and learn a huge lesson from God.