This may be one of the longest post I may have written since my blog days, but I am writing it from the bottom of my heart. Forgiveness or should I say lack of it, is what is destroying a lot of homes, marriages and relationships today.
Hey, before you go ahead and do something stupid, or sign those divorce papers, even when deep inside, you know it’s something you really don’t want to do, you need to understand that Marriage was never meant to be perfect. Marriage comprises of 2 people and people are not perfect too. The only perfect being is God…no one can take His place.
You’ve been holding on to some past hurt for too long now, and now it’s time to let go.
know understand you feel betrayed, disappointed, angry, bitter, hateful…but I tell you, these are not the feelings weighing you down. Nope…it’s your LACK OF FORGIVENESS that is weighing you down.
You have allowed the hurt to completely and totally consume your very being, depriving you of all the love you possibly enjoy, thereby, wasting your time and draining you of energy needed to do positive things.
Holding on to this hurt will not only lead to extreme bitterness and hate or cloud your judgement, it will eventually affect your physical and mental well being.
Starting the process of Forgiving…
Forgiving your spouse will take much more than counseling, it will take the Grace of God and His divine intervention. Without His intervention, that road to forgiveness will be a long, tortuous and impossible mission…so you need to invite Him as an escort.
You need to understand that if our Heavenly Father can forgive us all our horrible sins, then who the hell are you not to forgive?! (Imagine if you were God, imagine how many souls you would have condemned due to lack of forgiveness). As long as we are mere mortals, we are compelled to forgive our brothers as many times as possible.
You also need to understand also that, not been able to forgive your spouse is as good as ‘murdering’ him or her. Therefore, that makes you a ‘murderer’! Does this remind you of one of the commandments of God…“Thou shalt not kill…”
Starting the process of forgiving your spouse may involve the following baby steps:
- Be open and truthful to yourself about your hurt, why you truly can’t forgive your spouse, why you are tightly holding on to the hurt or betrayal. You can use a 2nd or 3rd party to help you reach the very core of the truth behind the lack of forgiveness.
- Make that firm decision to honestly forgive your spouse. Only you can make that decision for you.
- When the images of betrayal or hurt flash through your mind, remember, it’s the devil trying to distract you. The devil thrives on people’s hurt and makes mountains out of it. Don’t let the devil be victorious.
- During the healing or forgiveness process, try, and I mean try, not throw his or her mistakes back at his or her face. Don’t remind your spouse of the betrayal each time there’s an argument.
- If you have been planning a revenge, stop it now. You are only extending your pain and hurt, which, if I need to remind you, is utterly pointless.
- Believe your spouse if he or she tells you that there really was no reason behind hurting or betraying you.
I also need to share some home truths about this Forgiveness Process,
- It sure takes time. It’s not a one day affair, but it will definitely happen.
- It’s possible that the relationship may never be reparable, but you can still forgive, especially in the case of spousal abuse in a domestic violence situation. You either Forgive and Move on or You move out and then help your spouse get the help him or she needs.
- Trust is usually badly damaged in this kind of situation. But if your spouse is truly sorry, then slowly start trusting again.
My marriage is not perfect, and I don’t expect yours to be either. In the pursuit of marital bliss, those that are victorious, put up a good fight to keep their marriage that way.
People say and do things they don’t mean and end up living a life of regret just, simply because they are struggling with getting over past hurt caused by their spouse.
Forgiveness, ironically, is a continuous life learning process in marriage, which if practiced accordingly, moves you a step closer to heaven. Yeah…you can say that again…Forgiveness is a bitch! but you just gotta do it.
May God grant us the strength and grace to forgive in our marriages. Amen.