RESENTMENT, NO 1 KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS

RESENTMENT, NO 1 KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS

Now, who says supposedly ‘happily married’ couples don’t have issues?! Helloooo?!…if you feel like that and you are still on my page… kindly leave, as in quietly! Lol… okay, hold on… just stay and learn.

Apart from the many problems in marriage I know of, the one major one I can categorically tell you about is ‘Resentment’. This one is a slow poison that will not only consume you and your partner, but everything connected to your partner, be it living or non-living. And if not treated on time, it could affect every aspect of one’s life: focusing on your goals, forming relations (particularly healthy ones), living a genuinely happy life. Trust me, you don’t need these myriad of problems!

Resentment stems up mostly from Unmet Expectations. That is your spouse or partner hasn’t lived up to your criteria or expectations, especially when you feel you have put in 100% of yourself emotionally and physically. It further increases when he or she continues to exhibit behaviours that got you to that point in the first place. Wow!

I’ll give examples, so that it doesn’t feel like I’m blabbing. The examples will also help someone who has probably been living in denial start to understand whatever ‘poisonous’ emotions he or she may be going through.

Scenario 1

A man who feels he contributes more financially and sometimes physically in a relationship. Everytime he gets home each day and sees his wife or partner looking relaxed VERY relaxed. He assumes automatically that he’s the only one carrying he burden of the house. He doesn’t talk about it but just stores all this pent-up anger inside.

Scenario 2

A partner who feels totally neglected in her material needs despite all she puts on the table; she does EVERYTHING that you can think of in the house. Despite everything, she doesn’t get a thank you, not even a praise.

Scenario 3

A supposed joint account that an aggrieved partner doesn’t have access to. He or she is not even allowed to so much as smell the cheque book. All he or she knows is that at every point in time, he or she is expected to put a certain amount into that account.

I could go on and on, but the point is the feelings emanating from different situations are still very much the same.

Did I ever experience this feeling? Yes. And I’m sure I’m not the only one that sailed in this ship. The truth is that, nobody likes to be cheated by their ‘best friend’ or close buddy. Everyone loves to feel like they are on the same page as their partner.

So how do you get over this negative emotion, you may ask? Well, I’ll share with you some of my tips (practical ones o!) :

  1. Make God the center of your relationship and whatever decisions you intend to take. In short, pray ceaselessly. Because whether you like it or not, you require divine understanding of whatever situation you may be going through.
  2. Confide in a close pal or your spiritual leader. You never know how God wants to help you. It may be through a counsel from that trusted person. Besides the counsel, it gives a good feeling to get some load off your chest… or do you want to die young and unfulfilled? Just talk.
  3. Communicate your feelings to your spouse or partner. For all you know, he or she may be unaware of the resentments you harbour. You won’t lose anything if you express yourself. The more you express yourself, at the appropriate time though, the better you feel about your partner.
  4. For crying out loud! No one owes you anything. You owe yourself everything: a life full of happiness, proposed goals. Get rid of that ‘entitlement’ mentality. You are his wife, and so?! I’m the next of kin and so?

Finally , kindly end this pity party and start living a mentally healthy life.

N.B If you are going through this emotion now and you need neutral person to talk to and possibly a referral to a psychologist, send a message to this number on whatsapp 08185553713.

Only serious people will be attended to OR else you will be blocked permanently! Once your session is over, it is over! Don’t send a message about how the cock tried crossing the road and got killed…you will be blocked, I promise.

SOMEONE, PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS KIND OF LETTER…

SOMEONE, PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS KIND OF LETTER…

Shocked beyond words


I’ve tried to understand in different languages this worrisome letter. Since I haven’t been able to come up with any reasonable explanation, I’ve decided to share it with you guys…and then you tell me if the writer has spiritual problems following her from the deepest root of her village! 

The letter


How can a fellow woman want sex so bad, she needs her intestines shifted…how?! Are you telling me, that nothing else fills this woman’s thought except an enlarged penis?? 

Woman, whoever you are, you don’t need an enlarged penis, you need deliverance…or peeps, am I missing something hia? 

WIVES, WHAT WILL YOU DO IN THIS CASE?

WIVES, WHAT WILL YOU DO IN THIS CASE?

  LOL! This life is just crazy!

I was generally doing my normal stuff when a message came in from my BBM group. Naturally, I opened it and this is what I saw…

A wife asked her husband to drop her off at a friends house, where a wedding reception was taking place. He responded that he would be too busy throughout the day in the office, and gave her some money to use as taxi for transport. He left for the office. The wife took a Taxi to the wedding reception,there she met a fine Girl and they got talking to each other. Soon they became friends. In the evening when everyone was leaving, the Girl asked the Woman how she was going home. She replied that her husband was too busy in the office to pick her up so she would use a taxi. The Girl responded; “My boyfriend brought me here and would be coming to pick me up. I just spoke to him on the phone and he’s on his way. Why don’t you join me in his car and we would drop you at your house”The woman agreed. A few minutes later, her husband’s car arrived. The Girl jumped into the front passengers seat of the car and asked the Woman to sit at the backseat, which she did confused and perturbed. Then the Girl introduced her new friend to her boyfriend. When the man turned around to greet the woman, he recognized her as his wife. Nothing much was said along the way. He dropped the wife at home first as planned and proceeded to drop the Girl at her house………The question now is: If you were the wife, what would you do when your husband returns home? If you were the husband, what would you say to your wife when you return home. Please open discussion

When I finished reading this piece, I smiled…an evil one of course! This will definitely cost my husband, not our marriage O, but money!

For me, I’ll just pretend that I’m oblivious of what is going on and play along…I’ll allow him to drop me off and then he can then go drop off his girlfriend. All through the drive home, I’ll show no emotions. Sebi, he will want to come back home, but the problem would be, which house?! I won’t let him come into the house until he credits my account with 1million naira…no begging, no paying in installments. In short, NO ALERT, NO ENTRY!

What will you do, be honest!

WOMAN LEAVES HER HUSBAND BECAUSE HE IS TOO NICE

Peeps, please I need your judgement on this case. The judge has ruled quite alright but I still need to understand how a woman would want to abandon a husband that practically worships her!

Where in Nigeria, will you see a man take of children not fathered by him plus his own one child with the woman? Instead, what you will see is a woman hiding her kids from previous marriage with close relatives, so that she can start a new life with her new husband.

I guess this sort of explains why some women remain in abusive relatioships! #SomeWomenJustLoveRoughNeckBrothersWhoGiveThemPain

As far as I am concerned, this woman is possessed!

SHOULD HUSBANDS BE INVOLVED IN MANAGEMENT OF DOMESTIC STAFFS?

THE GIST:

Mrs Okafor is very angry right now, ┬ábecause according to her, her husband won’t stop interfering in domestic affairs. She says her husband undermines her authority in front of their maid, which is probably contributing to the maid’s insolence towards her.

She has given him some conditions which includes –

  • He should desist from paying the maid her monthly salary and hand over that ‘portfolio’ to her.
  • Whenever he needs anything, rather than mention the maid’s name, he should inform her.
  • He should never scold or even correct her in front of the maid even if she’s doing the wrong thing.
  • He should stop asking after the maid’s well being like “Has she eaten?” and all that.
  • He must never send the maid on any errand.
  • All matters concerning domestic duties should be left in her care.

THE ISSUE:

Mrs Okafor is threatening to move out of their matrimonial home if he doesn’t agree to these terms and sign.

  • Do you think husbands should involve themselves in domestic affairs?
  • Is Mrs Okafor over reacting?
  • Are her terms of resolution too harsh?
  • Do you think there is any possibility of the couple sharing domestic affairs?
  • Should there be a limit to Mr Okafor’s interference?

MY VERDICT

Frankly speaking, I personally can’t stand men who interfere in domestic issues. I think that aspect should be left to the woman. Then if she’s having problems, she could invite him to help solve it, but he shouldn’t force it.

Well, I’m feeling Mrs Okafor’s annoyance but she should chill. It hasn’t gotten to the stage of giving ultimatums, I think it’s something she can work out amicably if she puts her points across well.

The husband can keep paying the bills but shouldn’t be the one to give it directly to the maid. It should go through ‘madam’.

Abi, what do you guys suggest?