RESENTMENT, NO 1 KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS

RESENTMENT, NO 1 KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS

Now, who says supposedly ‘happily married’ couples don’t have issues?! Helloooo?!…if you feel like that and you are still on my page… kindly leave, as in quietly! Lol… okay, hold on… just stay and learn.

Apart from the many problems in marriage I know of, the one major one I can categorically tell you about is ‘Resentment’. This one is a slow poison that will not only consume you and your partner, but everything connected to your partner, be it living or non-living. And if not treated on time, it could affect every aspect of one’s life: focusing on your goals, forming relations (particularly healthy ones), living a genuinely happy life. Trust me, you don’t need these myriad of problems!

Resentment stems up mostly from Unmet Expectations. That is your spouse or partner hasn’t lived up to your criteria or expectations, especially when you feel you have put in 100% of yourself emotionally and physically. It further increases when he or she continues to exhibit behaviours that got you to that point in the first place. Wow!

I’ll give examples, so that it doesn’t feel like I’m blabbing. The examples will also help someone who has probably been living in denial start to understand whatever ‘poisonous’ emotions he or she may be going through.

Scenario 1

A man who feels he contributes more financially and sometimes physically in a relationship. Everytime he gets home each day and sees his wife or partner looking relaxed VERY relaxed. He assumes automatically that he’s the only one carrying he burden of the house. He doesn’t talk about it but just stores all this pent-up anger inside.

Scenario 2

A partner who feels totally neglected in her material needs despite all she puts on the table; she does EVERYTHING that you can think of in the house. Despite everything, she doesn’t get a thank you, not even a praise.

Scenario 3

A supposed joint account that an aggrieved partner doesn’t have access to. He or she is not even allowed to so much as smell the cheque book. All he or she knows is that at every point in time, he or she is expected to put a certain amount into that account.

I could go on and on, but the point is the feelings emanating from different situations are still very much the same.

Did I ever experience this feeling? Yes. And I’m sure I’m not the only one that sailed in this ship. The truth is that, nobody likes to be cheated by their ‘best friend’ or close buddy. Everyone loves to feel like they are on the same page as their partner.

So how do you get over this negative emotion, you may ask? Well, I’ll share with you some of my tips (practical ones o!) :

  1. Make God the center of your relationship and whatever decisions you intend to take. In short, pray ceaselessly. Because whether you like it or not, you require divine understanding of whatever situation you may be going through.
  2. Confide in a close pal or your spiritual leader. You never know how God wants to help you. It may be through a counsel from that trusted person. Besides the counsel, it gives a good feeling to get some load off your chest… or do you want to die young and unfulfilled? Just talk.
  3. Communicate your feelings to your spouse or partner. For all you know, he or she may be unaware of the resentments you harbour. You won’t lose anything if you express yourself. The more you express yourself, at the appropriate time though, the better you feel about your partner.
  4. For crying out loud! No one owes you anything. You owe yourself everything: a life full of happiness, proposed goals. Get rid of that ‘entitlement’ mentality. You are his wife, and so?! I’m the next of kin and so?

Finally , kindly end this pity party and start living a mentally healthy life.

N.B If you are going through this emotion now and you need neutral person to talk to and possibly a referral to a psychologist, send a message to this number on whatsapp 08185553713.

Only serious people will be attended to OR else you will be blocked permanently! Once your session is over, it is over! Don’t send a message about how the cock tried crossing the road and got killed…you will be blocked, I promise.

WOMEN LOVE TOO HARD

WOMEN LOVE TOO HARD

Now is this a good thing or a bad thing?… To love your man real hard. When I mean ‘hard’, I mean totally and completely with so much abandon. 

The harsh irony of taking the route of loving hard is that your love stands a major chance of not being reciprocated! Because of this ‘bad’ choice, you end up compromising everything, even your happiness, and ultimately your peace of mind. 

So what’s the way forward? Because, if you end up not showing too much love (aka ‘fronting’, aka ‘forming’), and the relationship doesn’t work out, you will definitely be blamed, not the guy! You will be blamed for making the guy look foolish loving you! 

The solution… Flow with the flow. If he shows love, show love. If he holds back, guard your heart with immediate effect! Some relationships thrive better when it’s a ‘Cat and Mouse’sort of thing. 

So, what do you guys think? Should we go ahead and love hard, hoping the guy will take a cue from that? Or should we hold back until the relationship has been thoroughly ‘investigated’? 

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING!

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING!

Wife: why don’t you like hanging out with me?
Husband: excuse me, but we go out! (puzzled look)
Wife: Okay, when was the last time we hung out?
Husband: o God, let’s no go there please. Have you asked me to take you anywhere and I refused? (still very puzzled)
Wife: Am I supposed to? You are supposed to do all asking and I choose to accept or not! Why do I have this feeling that you’re ashamed to be seen in public with me?!
Husband: Where is all these coming from now? Okay choose where you want to go and then fix a date.

End of discussion. Fast forward 2weeks later…

Husband: Let me quickly go see Mumsy and I’ll rush back.
Wife: Hmmm… So I’m guessing, until late then

Evening now…

Wife: Tell me honestly, do you really want to go out (waiting to see Husband’s reaction)
Husband: You are funny, I’m sure you are tired and looking for a way to cancel! (playing same reaction-game)
Wife: If your friends had asked you out you won’t give it a second thought and would meet them at any cost, now it’s my turn, you are ‘stuttering’!
Husband: No, with my friends it’s easier to hang out. I don’t have to do anything. Besides, you don’t go to bars.
Wife: So with me, you have to do something?! Like what?
Husband: Yes… Like I have to behave myself!
Wife: LMAO… You kidding me, right?!
Husband: Okay, let’s go Karaoke

The Aftermath…

Na wah o! The story of a wife’s life!Lol…Fellow wives, start speaking out…for your own good or else you will carry last. Full stop.

I’M RETARDED. PLEASE MAKE ME UNDERSTAND…

Please, please and please make me understand why a woman will remain in a house where she’s been battered physically, emotionally and mentally?!

Make me understand why you will tolerate an abusive relationship or marriage for so long!  *abi dem do you

Make me understand why you will choose not to expose a monster you call husband?

Make me understand why it doesn’t bother you that your kids watch as you are battered!

Make me understand why you won’t leave to fight a good fight or leave so that you can live to see your kids grow the way you wish for them to grow!

Make me understand why you choose not to fulfil your destiny as a mother, not just to your kids but to a nation that yearns for your motherly touch!

Make me understand why you think you will have no life without him… Is he your God?

Make me understand why you want to add to the general statistics of women who died from Domestic Violence

Make me understand why you choose to end your life this way

Even if you don’t want to live for your kids, at least for the sake of all those human hair you have acquired over time… Peruvian, Brazilian, Mongolian… Who will wear them?! That is, if you don’t value human life!

Ronke Shonde chose to stay with a monster, and what was the result? Death. Her husband murdered her in cold blood, he beat her to death, right in front of her kids (6 and 4 years). In 6 years, she could have left, but she chose to remain in that house.

Anyway, no point dwelling on what could have been. The point is how do we keep other women in domestic violence situations alive?

Please, women, let’s all stand against domestic violence . Abi, we should start helping them report without their permission ? #confused

…AND ALL THEY JUST WANT IS ‘EXTREME’ ATTENTION!

…AND ALL THEY JUST WANT IS ‘EXTREME’ ATTENTION!

How many of you Wives or fiances have “teething” spouses?! Okay, partners that throw tantrums?! Well, if you don’t…lucky you! Lol!

I’m still trying to figure out why some men find it difficult to say what’s eating them up? Meanwhile, it’s usually easy for a woman to just snuggle up to her man if she needs TLC or simply tell him, “Honey, show me some love. I’m in dire need of some sugar”. Biko, how is this statement difficult to say.

It’s funny how guys react when they need attention… Comes with a lot of drama I tell you.

When you notice that your man is practically complaining about nothing or his just keeps ranting over nothing really or he just got back from work with a disgruntled look, give him some space …it’s really not about you. So don’t crack your head thinking about what you did or didn’t do. Like my girlfriends will say (and I probably agree with) , maybe, just maybe he had a fight with his ‘girlfriend’! That’s not even the time to ask too many ‘jamb’ questions or nag, like some women have PhD in!

Just go about doing the regular things you would do for your hubby. And just when you notice that the mood is quietly returning to normal, you can gently give a nice loving ‘I understand’ or “I love you either way” hug…. I know you too need attention and hug but it’s not about you at that moment.

Voil√†! Everything will suddenly become normal again. It’s not that easy to decode a disgruntled husband but with God’s wisdom, a truly patient non-selfish wife can achieve that goal, just for peace sake really.

Have a blessed day ahead.