I’ve tried to push those thoughts, thoughts of that day out of my mind but it’s proving even more difficult. The memories of what I felt still stuck in my head and in my heart…
It was a very exhausting day. I was completely exhausted. It had been a fulfilling day but draining. I couldn’t wait to get into the car and lean on the soft chair at the back seat of the car.
The ride home was quiet, music playing softly at the background, the night breeze just right… My mind reflecting on the work I had accomplished for the day. I was obviously pleased with the outcome.
I was a few minutes away from home when hubby called to pick him up from the lounge (I remember rolling my eyes up in my head… This man can never sit still in his house. A real showman).
While waiting for the green light to come on at a T-junction (oh, how I hate the traffic lights, they cause unnecessary delays for me), a loud and consistent tap on the window of the car on my left side suddenly jolted me back to reality. I see a small creature of say about 4 or 5 years but in reality could be about 8 years, if only life had been kinder to her. She looked like one of those child beggars that could be so annoying. I tried really hard to ignore her, like I always do anyways.
It bothers me really how we live in a country where the government has no plans for people like these. They are left at the mercy of ‘good samaritans’ and that’s if they get lucky. I personally feel these kind gestures from people keeps them on the streets even more. Because one kind gesture from one kind human will spiral the move of the ‘village’ to the streets. News travels fast amongst these people. So my philosophy has always been to not give to anyone on the streets. If they don’t see to get, they’ll leave. I hope my ‘hypothesis’ proves itself one day.
That night was different. Just when my irritation level was rising, the little girl leaves my left side in which my hubby was on and scurries to my side, further increasing the rap on the window. Just as I was about to shoo her away, my eyes caught hers while she kept demonstrating with her dirty small hand that she needed food… and I saw it all in a flash, I mean a flash: extreme exhaustion, hunger, pain, neglect, desperation to live, desperation to be loved, hopelessness… And then she stopped and leaned on the window, as if it were a life line.
In that moment, I desperately searched for a loose cash, any cash really to give to her, just so that she would feel ‘normal’ again. I turned deaf ears to my hubby’s plea not to give because that would encourage ‘them’, her tribe. But something inside of me didn’t stop searching for that cash to give her. I normally wouldn’t do this, but this night was different. My driver finally found a N200 bill and I hurriedly gave it to her, after I had woken her up from her so called sleep on my window. I wished I could have held her tight and given her a kiss, like I would have my kids. 😦
Just that one moment I felt the love a mother would for her child. I couldn’t help but wonder what would become of the N200 bill. Would the child actually use it to get a good meal or would she give it to her ‘master’ who put her on the streets in the first place.