It suddenly dawned on me that marriage definitely has stages. If you haven’t stayed long enough in it, you may not understand. The funny thing about these stages is that, they come with their own baggage of emotions, trials and tribulations! And the couples involved are almost totally oblivious of this.
After recently celebrating my 13th wedding anniversary and 20 years of being with my husband, it suddenly hit me that “like joke like joke, I’ve managed to live with this same man and it still feels like we just met! ” Isn’t God awesome? What then will I say about those who have managed to scale through a 30year old or 50year old marriage?!
This time, all we (my husband and I) wanted to do was just sit and reminisce on our journey so far… Yes O, marriage is a journey and you can never predict what you both will meet on the course of the journey. It is well. *chewing my bitter cola*
According to my small experience,
- 1st Stage – Romantic Love Stage. In this stage, the love is still ‘shacking’ you both. You can’t seem to get enough of each other! Some couples exhibit a lot of PDA (public display of affection) while some show it by getting pregnant every year or even before the year runs out! (Baby Sis, does this ring a bell?! *wink*) In short, no faults are usually found in each partner. This stage usually last for a period of 2 to 3 years… If it even gets to the 2 years sef!
- 2nd Stage – Period of Harsh Reality. Don’t be afraid, because it’s only for a period of time and it’s for those couples who have managed to last in the 1st stage. Suddenly, the scales start to fall from the eyes. You realise that marriage is not what ‘they’ said it is. It’s even worse when children come into the picture, trust me, it takes a while for the couples to adjust to a third party! Or you have an interfering in-law, who has decided to spend some time, if not all the time! The emotions that one experiences during this period is highly trying! Some people use all sorts of methods to conquer this stage and it’s wahala! Prayer, for me is still the key… Try it! But no matter what, you will overcome.
- 3rd Stage – Period of Transformation and Understanding. Hmm… You have conquered! Congrats! You will begin to see things from a different perspective! You start to apply wisdom in everything! In fact, you choose your ‘battles’ wisely…. It’s not every comment or behavior from your spouse that deserves an answer… Wisdom! *Mama Chi will understand* Now, you can open your mouth and talk, laugh and even give advice… There’s nothing your eyes have not seen or your ears heard. There’s this newly found respect and appreciation for each other in this stage, but the struggle must continue. * I think I might be in this stage, who knows*
- 4th Stage – Mature Love. Lol! Our parents had this. All the kids are out of the house, usually at this point, leaving old mummy and daddy alone. You share a lot of free time together. You escort each other to the clinic. You hardly quarrel because you completely understand each other. We will all get to this stage in Jesus name. Amen.
- 5th Stage – Widowhood. I hate this stage but sadly, a spouse has to go… Some spouses die out of loneliness or heartbreak when a partner dies. Na wah o! May we all live long. Amen.
So, now do you believe me when I say marriage has stages?