WHAT A SCORNED WIFE WANTS THE ‘OTHER’ WOMAN TO KNOW!

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*Wow!…I like love ‘Cat fights’!*

This is an excerpt from YOUR TANGO, written by Sloane Bradshaw

I recently had the, um, pleasure of meeting my husband’s new girlfriend. Yes. I said “my husband’s new girlfriend.” This is the woman he moved in with immediately after he left me three months ago with a couple of young kids and a part-time job. Keep in mind: I wouldn’t have ever agreed to meet this woman if there weren’t kids involved. (You can’t have your kids off with a total stranger, now can you?) I insisted on a face-to-face and let’s just say, it didn’t go well. In fact, nothing went well with this woman from day one.

So, I thought I’d be the bigger person and reach out to all the “other women” out there and offer some sage advice from the wife of the man they now call their own. (See how nice I am?)

Fine, I’ll admit it: I’m bitter. But so what? Consider this part of my therapy.

Here we go…

1. I’m still married to the guy. So keep your butt out of our business until we can finalize our divorce. And yes, that includes our child visitation schedule, thankyouverymuch.

2. Don’t insist on reading all the texts I send him. It’s stalkery and sad.

3. Stop thinking that I want this loser back. Cuz, nope.

4. Don’t push to be part of his children’s lives, and for God’s sake, don’t make his kids share their precious visitation time with you.

5. I have kids, so, unfortunately, I’m going to have to meet you. When it’s time, don’t show up looking like some kind of model.

6. Or worse, like Pennsatucky from Orange Is The New Black (shudder).

7. Don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to the man I’m still married to (who *newsflash* fathered my children) to interject your two cents. You are not part of our relationship.

8. Don’t expect me to consider your feelings or place them above my own or my children’s. Not even for one minute. Or one second. You don’t matter to me.

9. You slept with my husband and broke up my family. The odds of me ever respecting you are slim to none, especially if you’ve done anything on this list. You are more than welcome to try to earn my respect.

10. But here’s the best advice I can give to someone like you: Don’t be the other woman. Seriously. Otherwise, you’ll get exactly what that type of person deserves: my sh*tty husband. Congratulations.

*Na wah..very deep* Sadly, just like a bad virus, the ‘other’ woman will forever remain an issue. Even if it she doesn’t exist, she still sort of creeps up in the mind of the legal woman!

2 thoughts on “WHAT A SCORNED WIFE WANTS THE ‘OTHER’ WOMAN TO KNOW!

  1. An excerpt her follow up blog….

    I deflected any and all culpability in the failure of my marriage for months, holding on to the picture I painted of myself as the gentle, selfless and long-suffering wife. It wasn’t until I found a therapist who called me out on my bullsh*t that I was forced to take a long, hard look at my shortcomings.

    It wasn’t pretty.

    Here’s what I now know actually screwed up my marriage. May it serve as a warning to you. Before it’s too late.

    1. I put my children first. It’s easy to love your own children. It takes very little effort, and they adore you no matter what. Marriage is the polar opposite: it’s work. And whenever my marriage started to feel like work, I would check out and head to Build-A-Bear Workshop or the science museum with the kids in tow. I’d often plan these adventures when I knew my husband couldn’t go (and spoil my good time). I told myself it was OK because he preferred to work anyway and always seemed grouchy on family outings. I chose most nights to cuddle with them in our bed, blaming his late-night bedtimes and snoring for the sleeping arrangement. As a result, we were hardly alone together and never had kid-free date nights. Well, maybe once a year on our anniversary.

    2. I didn’t set (or enforce) boundaries with my parents. They were at our house frequently, sometimes arriving unannounced and walking right in. They’d “help out” around the house doing things we never asked them to, like our folding laundry (incorrectly, of course). We’d vacation with them. They’d correct our children in front of us. My own fears of upsetting my parents kept me from drawing a line in the sand and asking them not to cross it. The few times I did stand up for my family’s autonomy, I didn’t hold my parents to the same standards in future. My husband, quite literally, married my entire family.

    3. I emasculated him. I thought love was about honesty, but we all know that the truth hurts. As we grew more comfortable (read: lazy) in our relationship, I stopped trying to take the sting out it. I talked smack to my girlfriends, my mom, my co-workers. All. The. Time. “Can you believe he didn’t do this?” and “Why in God’s name did he do THAT?”

    Instead of building up his ego, I trampled all over it. I belittled him often, saying his job was unimportant and dismissing his friends as “hangers-on.” I berated him for doing things wrong when, in all honesty, he just wasn’t doing them my way. At times I spoke to him like a child. I controlled the family finances and grilled him over every single penny he spent. And in the bedroom—yup, you guessed it—he was doing that all wrong too, and I wasn’t shy about telling him so. As our marriage crumbled, I found myself constantly looking for faults and mistakes so that I could justify my superiority. By the end, I had zero respect for him and I made sure he knew it and felt it every day.

    4. I didn’t bother to learn to fight the right way. I know it sounds odd to suggest there is a right way to fight. But there is. I tended to keep the peace in our house by keeping my mouth shut when things were really bothering me. As you can imagine, all the small things that drove me crazy grew into a giant supressed ball of anger that would erupt occassionally in a huge, really frightening fit of Hulk-like rage. And by rage, I mean rage in the clinical, mental-health definition kind of way. After the fact, I’d justify my anger by saying that a woman can only take so much. Looking back, I was one scary b*tch during those episodes.

    I write this mea culpa not with the hopes of winning my ex back, or even wanting his forgiveness. I write this because I can’t believe how long I kept my head buried in the sand. I hope other women out there will yank theirs out and take a good look around. And while I’m still hurt that my husband chose to solve our problems in another woman’s bed when some conversation and counseling might have helped, I absolutely know that my behavior was part of what pushed him there.

    Liked by 2 people

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