I just turned 30.

Am I scared? Very much so.

I’m so scared of winding up alone in my ‘old’ years…no husband, no baby,…not even a boyfriend! At this rate, I might end up visiting the ‘sperm bank’, to get me a baby! At least, if I don’t have a husband, I should have a baby.

I’m wondering if something is wrong with me. Maybe being a ‘good’ girl isn’t paying off after all. Remembering how I was raised, the good catholic girl, I was never allowed as much freedom to go on dates or even hang out with my cool friends, and so is beginning to have a toll on my social life (needs mega revamping!!).

At my age really, I should have my phone buzzing like there’s no tomorrow, endless instant messaging from loads of guys, guys queuing up to take me out on a date…but no, what do I get?…the ‘deafening’ silence of my room!

Yes, I am bitter because contrary to what my mother taught me, it’s obvious the ‘good’ boys don’t like the ‘good’ girls! They prefer bad girls…and really, I hate to admit this but I’can’t stand the ‘good’ boys either…simply ‘bauring’!

And to think that just few years ago, 5 years to be precise, I had planned my life out – married at 25, baby number 1 at 26, baby number 2 at 28, and then probably round it off with another one for the road at 30.

Yikes, 30!!…still here, no man, no baby, no relationship! So now, I’m gonna search for my man in my own terms!



  1. well. I would advice you to love yourself first. Know that God loves you and learn to love yourself.
    I use to have the same thought. I was bitter with my parents that I don’t know how to socialize because I was being protected. I now thank God. They loved me and the world out there is malicious oh. Some people are even jealous that your parents love you that much to put these barriers. Some kids their parents careless.
    When you love yourself and count all your blessings. Be conscious of your blessings this builds your self esteem to know that you value yourself, you don’t accept crap from people, and you accept the right crowd around you.
    You attract what you got. So build yourself and chase your dreams. You have so many gifts you want other than getting married start also focusing on them and by the time you know it you will be married soon.
    Trust me you might think socializing will lead to the right guy. Some might even encourage you to date someone who isn’t right at all or ready at all.
    I know someone whom a guy approached her on the train. Now they are married.
    Follow your intuition and not fears.

    Liked by 1 person

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