How do you forgive a spouse who constantly cheats on you?
Each time you catch him, he apologizes with all his life…
But you see, what hurts the most is not even the fact that he was caught cheating (you are already numb to that), but the fact that you had to sacrifice everything and everyone you love, just to be with him. How you turned deaf ears to all the warnings from people you grew up trusting, about things you are blind to see in a man whom you have decided to spend the rest of your life with, no matter the outcome.
Maybe I could try forgiving the cheating part, but how do I forgive a man I sacrificed my future for. We agreed that I would remain at home to take care of the kids and the home front. So I gave up doing my Masters’ program, as well as getting a job…for 10 good years, my life has been f#$@ing on hold, just to please the one person I decided to spend my whole life with!
I feel nothing. I feel nothing but hatred, resentment, fury. Am I losing my mind? Maybe I deserve what I am getting? But does anyone deserve to be hurt just because they chose to love? Am I with the right person? Or maybe it’s one of my stupid mistakes?…
Oh,Lord…speak to me. I need to understand. How do I forgive, when my husband chooses to cheat on me with my best friend?! A friend whom I turn to when I am down and out. A friend who is supposed to be next to God! Would it have been better if he had cheated on me with my sister? Or is he? …Dunno what to think anymore! Dunno who to trust again.
Sad thing is that I just don’t trust that the next guy won’t do the same. Am I considering divorce? Should I? Would I be considered foolish if I left? Or would I be considered brave if I stayed to fight to keep my home? Is this what marriage is about, to constantly fight for your peace of mind? If I had known this, I probably wouldn’t have ventured into it.
I have decided to work on myself…that is the only way I can find some sanity. It has to be something I am not doing right. No woman should give up everything for the sake of love. Love, hmm…a very subjective feeling. I will not give up on love…No, I won’t. Love shouldn’t hurt but my husband has hurt me very deeply. I bet he is sorry that I caught him and not sorry that he keeps cheating on me.
I will forgive him for that is the only way I can move on with my life. But it can never be the same…or can it? I have resolved to take care of me henceforth.