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Good evening NHW,

I am so sad, infact very depressed. I lost my baby’s daddy. When I say lost, not that he died, he broke up with me. We have never been married. My story is a long and pathetic one. All I can say is that I was misled.

After my husband died 4years into our marriage, I met a lecturer in one of these prestigious universities. I am a secretary in the department. I had really learnt to keep to myself but the man’s kindness to me knew no bounds. He became my confidante and my best friend. This relationship continued for like 3 years until we took it to another level, we became lovers.

I became pregnant for him but he didn’t want the baby. I insisted on keeping the baby and losing him. I have never known what it felt like being a mother or ever being pregnant. I was never even pregnant for my late husband. So when this my friend heard all my lamentations, he finally gave in. Through out my pregnancy and my delivery (I had a baby girl), he showered me with all sorts of gift, he even moved me to a better apartment and got me a car. Those were the days…

My daughter soon turned two, and suddenly, I started craving for more than what I was getting, forgetting that my daughter’s father was a happily married man. I confided not in my friends or colleagues but with one of the office assistants. I felt my secret would be safe with her than my colleagues because no one really knew about my secret affair with my ‘Oga’. The office assistant fast became my friend and advisor. She saw how badly I craved to be recognised as a ‘wife’ and so advised me to reveal myself to my lover’s wife and that I should pay the man a visit in his home unannounced with my daughter. Is this not the devil’s handwork.

I did exactly as she said. O NHW, the results were catastrophic  fatal! I paid the man a visit on a Saturday morning with my daughter properly dressed…his wife was the one that opened the door for me. She instantly knew something was amiss and beckoned her husband. He was so shocked to see me. The wife started making trouble and really it was not my intention to cause problems but the way she started on me, I let the cat out of the bag and a fight erupted. My baby’s father had me thrown out, even with his daughter and warned me never to step foot in his home.

The following Monday at work, he came really early and called me into his office…I knew what he wanted to say or so I thought. He passed his judgement, he wanted nothing to do with me or my daughter and that he was going to cut all ties from us. That, henceforth, I would be the one paying my bills even for the child, since I had done my worst.

Please help me, what can I do to make him change his mind? The suffering is too much. What can I say to make him forgive me?

*Madam, I am sorry but you are crying over spilt milk! How can you ever think you will take his wife’s place? He gave you an inch and you took a mile. It’s bad enough you had an affair with this happily married man, you now wanted to invade his home! You can see that God pass women like you. Well, you just have to reap what you have sown.There are a lot of things you can do to help yourself other than relying on other women’s husband for survival…buying and selling, hairdressing, events planning, etc.Na wah, these our husbands sef!*

My verdict?!… 


  1. Funny. What would you do in her place? Just roll over and say “okay you have my husband, my home, my life?” I doing it. If the man has any shred of conscience at all he would hate you and himself for what you both did to his *wife*. Where is you shame as what your role was? None it would seem!


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