MY HUSBAND IS THE ONE WITH THE ‘PROBLEM’, BUT MY IN-LAWS THINK ITS ME!

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This issue of ‘Infertility’  is really causing marriages to break up. It is even worse when relatives and family will be helping you monitor your womb, whether there is ‘something’ growing inside!
Before I let the cat out of the house, please this blog reader’s tears of woe!

Dear NHW,
I’m so glad my friend introduced your blog to me. I am seriously resenting my husband and the feelings are getting worse day by day.

I and my husband have been married for close to 9years now but without a child. All these years I have been the only one going to the clinic trying to look for solution. My husband believed we had no problem, that God will do it for us at his own time. 

After 4 years of going on my own, my friend advised me to try the Teaching Hospital, where I will be sure of experts than all the Private hospitals that will do nothing except chop somebody’s money. The first day I saw the doctor in LUTH, they refused to attend to me until I agreed to bring my husband. When I told him, he refused at first, until I now  threatened to end the marriage. He finally agreed.

The doctor asked us to do individual tests at a particular lab and when the results came out…I was shocked. I was told I had no problem but my husband was not producing any sperm at all! I didn’t understand fully until I read about the condition on google. They called it AZOSPERMIA.

Thinking my husband will let his people know so that they can leave me in peace, he will keep quiet while I swallow all the insults his older sister especially gives to me. We have quarrelled about this issue times without number, he will beg and still not do anything about it. Okay, I suggested we adopt while we wait on the Lord. Instead of my husband to discuss with me, he tabled the matter with his people. If you see how his mother insulted me and cursed the child that we have not even agreed to adopt, I was so ashamed of myself.

NHW, I don’t know how much I can take, because left to me, I am telling the whole family who is at fault this coming week. Please how do I go about this issue? I am on the verge of abandoning this ungrateful man!

*Hmmmm…this is a serious matter. I feel for you. This is typical of most Nigerian men (sorry, no pun intended). They like to push the blame on their wives. As far as I am concerned, babe, do the needful…stop letting him blackmail you emotionally! Set up a meeting, and let your husband be in the middle then you tell them that, your husband has something to tell them. If he doesn’t or can’t, be his mouthpiece! shikena!

Abi? What do you guys think?…

5 thoughts on “MY HUSBAND IS THE ONE WITH THE ‘PROBLEM’, BUT MY IN-LAWS THINK ITS ME!

  1. this is serious matter… i was going to suggest exposing him.. but my intuition tells me please ask him why he is hiding underneath your skirt.. y he can’t man up?.. ok eh oh… y did I say that, a scene in lekki wives episode phanehn! things one will do for wealth… Do you even have a sincere honest man of God in your life?

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  2. To the letter writer let me first say: I’m so sorry you are going through this and it would seem on your own as your husband is not providing the love and support he should be.
    While I can understand your deep want to have a child I think that you may need to step back from this for a while and re-evaluate this choice. Marriage is complicated, it can be messy and difficult at times; we’ve all had bumps. However, you’ve made some statements that really need to be addressed before you bring a child into your home to be parented by two people that are having this much difficulty in their marriage. Given that your mother in law has stated that she “curses” the child that you might be able to adopt I would consider how this would effect your possible future child. Your husband knows that the bulk of your fertility issues lie upon his shoulders and you are currently shouldering the blame for this. This says a few things to me: A). He is not following the Lord in honoring his wife and providing love and care for her. B). He could have a discussion with his parents sharing with them that it is in fact him with the main issue – however he is purposefully choosing not to to do so. This could be an indication that as long as they think you’re the one with the issue he can hide the fact that he doesn’t really want to have a child right now. If he were to fess up his parents may force his hand to do something about it thus forcing him to reveal that he doesn’t want a child. C). Given your mother-in-laws threats and your husband’s subsequent lack of compassion and action to protect your feelings and standing with in the family he more than likely will continue this evasive behavior with your possible adopted child; meaning if he allows this for his wife whom he has made vows too, an adopted child will have an even lesser standing in his eyes. All of these will effect your possible adopted child or a child you have in the future.

    Parenting is hard enough – you become responsible for another life that is not your own! To bring a child into a marriage that is already on shaking ground is not fair to that child; nor will it fix your problems. In the long run it could be what ultimately ends your marriage. This is something to think long and hard about and to pray constantly about. Adopted child often require more love and support than a child who is not adopted. A child who has been given up for adoption needs the love and support of a stable environment – they have already been abandoned once.

    There is a breakdown of healthy communication within your marriage. When one spouse has to resort to threats of divorce for there to be any action made by the other spouse then there is a major problem.

    I would NOT go to his family and share any of his private medical information as this would just further a breakdown of trust between the two of you. My suggestion is this: A) Seeking marriage counseling. Seek out the underlying issues of his behavior – and yours. Discuss why you feel you do not want to be married to him but want a baby with someone you describe as so selfish. B) Take a step back from possible parenting for now and allow healing within your marriage first.

    Liked by 1 person

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