Image credit: Perez Hilton

Oh my goodness! …I just had to publish this mail before the others. Please, those of you who have sent me mails, I will still publish yours though I try to treat mails in order of priority and not necessarily as a “first come, first serve” basis. Please bear with me.

In the mean time, this blog reader needs your advice. I would love to encourage NHW BLOG readers to try and encourage people who have problems such as this to comment on the blog where they can see it. Don’t send me personal messages. Don’t just read and pass like it doesn’t concern you…remember it could be any one of us O!

Read on…

Dear NHW,

Thank you for encouraging me to write this problem that has been killing me for sometime since I met my husband. After I read the last mail where a lady had a secret and didn’t know whether to tell her husband or not, from your comments, I decided to come out with mine but I am too afraid to tell my husband. You know these men are funny.

After my mother and father divorced, my mother remarried and I lived with her and her husband since I was 8 years old. When I turned 10 , my step father started making advances at me like touching my breasts almost all the time. I told my mother but she didn’t believe me and so it continued. My father was never around and so I never told him.

The abuse increased up on till when I turned 14 years old and I had just finished my junior waec. So I was always at home. One day my mother travelled to see my grandmother leaving me and my stepfather as well as younger ones home alone. That night, he raped me repeatedly and even threatened to kill me and my mother if I ever told anyone. This abuse continued 3 more times until I missed my period. I was pregnant.

My mother got to know eventually and that ended her marriage with my step-father. I had my daughter at 15 years, but my mum never allowed me to breastfeed her and so she grew up thinking I am her older sister. She calls me “Sister mi” and that’s how my husband met it. She is now 18 years old and still doesn’t know I’m her mother. My mother doesn’t think it’s wise for me to tell her yet.

I love my husband so much and I think he deserves to know everything about me and accept my flaws. That way I know he truly loves me no matter what. Please, what do you think.

*Dear blog reader, I’m really sorry for all those years you were abused. I’m glad that you still turned out right and on your way to building your own family. I think it will be the right thing to do, telling him. Leave the rest to God. This is something that will directly or indirectly affect your relationship if not handled properly*


  1. There’s no better time as now to tell him. It wasn’t your fault, but by the time the two of you started talking marriage, you should have told him then. However, as things stand now, you have to tell him before he hears it from other sources.


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