Image credit: Mintees

I just got this mail and luckily for this blog reader, there is still time to publish it.

I really feel her fears and anxiety, but read on before I influence your thoughts!

Dear NHW,

I have been living a lie for the past 4 years of my marriage. I have a secret that no one, not even my husband knows about. My past is one I am totally ashamed of but I thank God I have given my life to Him.

My husband is a wonderful man who goes out of his way to ensure that I am happy and comfortable. But I am too scared to let him in on my past. I am afraid he may divorce me and I can’t bear to lose him, not ever.

Growing up, I was sexually abused by my maternal uncle and our neighbour when I was 12 years old up until I was 15 years old. I never told anyone about it because these uncles gave me money and bought me gifts. I grew up getting accustomed to giving sex in exchange for money or gifts. This continued up until I was in my university days.

My university days were wild. I met quite a number of men I had sexual relations with, out of which 3 are his male buddies. I am worried because when I and my husband went out for a lunch date, we met 3 of them. I am not sure if they recognized me but 1 of them kept staring at me like he was trying to place my face. I quickly excused myself from their midst in order to escape the embarrassment.

I have been asking myself for how long will I continue to avoid his friends? And who knows who else we may meet that may know me and my past? The past is catching up with me. Advice me please, I am so scared.

*Dear Blog reader, ask for God to strengthen your faith in Him. Ask for courage to do the needful. This is a task you must accomplish because if you leave that story to be told by another, it will change and might end up not being ‘palatable’ to your husband’s ears. Please tell ASAP. If God wills for you and your hussy to be together, nothing can tear you guys apart, not even your secret past*

Over to you blog readers.


  1. @ Sade: Babe, will keep clapping both my hands and feet for this response.
    I have often faced situations where I get “real” with my friends and advice them to speak out even before they enter the final gear of marriage.. If your man truly loves you, he would stick by you- if not, let him take a fast walk after all, him too don “commit” at some point in his own life. We ought to stop this pretense and false bravery we put up. Its so not right and the end result is ever so much deadlier than even the initial heartbreak if you had told him early enough. Please do not wait a second further, free your heart and mind and tell it as it is..let him know in good time. ‘Nuff said o!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s simple… ” I happened to have dated a few guys when in school…I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable if you find out I had dated your friend…the world’s really a small place!” then drop the issue.

    We women have the habit of getting jittery and letting people (holier than thou) talk you down….when they have dirtier past!
    Let me ask “were u standing on Sanusi Fafunwa? A lot of guys hook up with prostitutes…but come out pretending clean….some even get disvirgined by prostitutes!
    So if he loves you…past shouldn’t come between you….and there’s nothing to tell….except you have LEGAL issues..like robbery, ashawo + armed robbery, been in kirikiri…etc.

    Good luck!


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