Dear NHW,

I am writing this mail out of distress. I have a friend who has been married for close to 10 years without a child. We have been friends for over 15 years. 
I have never had any cause to suspect her until after we had our first quarrel some 2 years ago for this same behaviour she has been exhibiting and for which I am about to tell you.

Rewind 2 years back, then my friend was about 8 years into her marriage and we were still waxing very strong and the issue of her not having children had never really been a topic of discussion, except a few times. What I noticed that just got me a bit uncomfortable while we hung out was the number of phone calls she got from quite a number of male of friends. Some of the calls she received in my presence and others she took outside, even though reception was good there. The way she received some of the phone calls in a sensual sort of way, it was so disturbing that I had to confront her about it. The excuse she would give me was that some were her classmates and others her clients she sold whatever to. I know she is into this buying and selling sometimes. Anyway, I took what she said with a pinch of salt but let the matter go.

One day (still this 2years), she suddenly showed up at my house without informing me about her coming. I received her with a warm welcome. It was getting late some few hours later when I had to ask her if she wasn’t going home and she replied in the affirmative. Come 10pm, my friend was still at my house. I hadn’t even finished asking her when she was leaving when I got a knock on my door. I wasn’t expecting any visitor so I wondered who that might be. My friend rushed to the door to receive a male friend. The way they hugged and held on to each other didn’t need to be explained to me who he was. She sef didn’t wait to explain anything to me, she just grabbed her bag and told me she was coming and not minding that I was in shock.

Apparently, I later understood that she used my name and my place to get out of the house. Her husband is such a nice person and very unassuming man that anytime his wife mentions that she is coming to my place, he would agree. To cut story short, I had such a huge confrontation with her and it didn’t end well at all. That’s how we kept out of touch for so long.

Fast forward 2 years later, we reunited and put everything that happened between us in the past behind us. Lately, we’ve been hanging out and now the urge to have a baby is getting so intense. I suspect she is dating 2 guys at the same time because she gets calls from both intermittently. When she is with one of the men, the other is calling asking after her whereabouts and she will use me to lie. The one that has broken the camel’s back, is that I suddenly realised that she has been using my name to lie to her husband, who trusts me completely.

Now I am tired of talking, I am just worried for her husband. Please what do you think I should do?

*I have heard you, madam worryer! What exactly are you gaining from this your so-called friendship or are you just a spectator. You had better disengage yourself from this unproductive relationship. That your friend obviously is operating on a different agenda! Tell your friend that at this rate she will never get pregnant, moreso, from this her ‘multiple partner’ waka…she is only complicating her problems physically, medically and spiritually*

Maybe blog readers have something to say…over to you guys.


  1. Pls, advice ur wife to stop n if she refuses to do so, if am in ur shoes, i wil cut ha off. Let both couple seek for medical advice, they can go for IVF or IUI or Ovalation induction. Let ha look for a fertility doctor. There is one located at Amuowo odofin, Lagos. She might find help by God's grace. D road she is treading is leading her to destruction of her marriage.


  2. Wow…almost sounds like something out of Africa Magic! This friend in question is going about having a child the wrong way. There are options open to her and her husband if they seek medical help. Even if they are told the cannot have their own children, whatever happened to adoption? And like NHW has advised, please distant yourself from this friend. She's obviously hit the self destruct button!


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