Na wah O! Wonders will never cease sha! This matter of Domestic Violence is still very much a marriage dilemma. Maybe it has come to the point where I have to painfully accept that some things will just never change! I got a mail from an anonymous lady who was willing to share her story with the world and I must say that a lot of women apparently are in the same situation.
I have been following your blog for some time now and I got hooked after I read your various articles on violence against women. I chose not to say anything, not because I didn’t want to but because there wasn’t anything more to add, your article said it all.
My own situation is somewhat precarious. I will not exactly say that my husband beats me to the point of giving me a black eye or breaking any of my bones. Instead he does more of shouting down at me especially in front of my children or the maids. He slaps me if I continue to talk back even at him. The slap is usually once but very painful and sometimes I see stars. Let me just say he oppresses me. But what I find very confusing is that he totally behaves himself in front of my people, his family members and friends. It’s as if he knows when and where he should misbehave or not misbehave.
To the world, my husband is so charming, always smiling, a great conversationalist and generous. He amazes me with his act. In my marriage, I don’t have a voice at all. I am not even allowed to make any decision without involving him, if not I bear the consequences. He claims he loves me especially when I try talking to him about his behaviour but that he hates when I contradict his authority in the house.
I am not happy with the person I have become. I am a very intelligent and extrovertish kind of woman. But since I got married (getting to 5years), I see my self withdrawing from my friends, for fear that I will leak this secret I have been keeping. People close to me keep asking what the matter is but I can’t even open my mouth to say it. I am so ashamed of myself and my marriage. My children are my comfort.
Please help me out of this situation. Please.
*O my dear fellow wife, I feel your pain from the depth of my heart. You left some information out sha like how long you knew him before marriage and how his behaviour was before marriage too. I would also like to know his educational level and his kind of job as compared to yours. Because I have observed over time that a lot of men are intimidated by strong intelligent and beautiful women. Sometimes you are not the reason for their violence but their insecurities. They need to feel like men by oppressing their wives. Like I told you in my reply, you need to see a psychologist to help you with your self-esteem which has been traumatized severely. After you have worked on yourself, only then will you be ready for the next step.
A note for other women in same situation, please Domestic violence or Intimate Partner Abuse does not only involve physical abuse, it involves emotional and verbal abuse. *
May God guide women in their decisions.