Woah! I just got this in my mailbox and this reader needs your advice. Please O! Older mums with adult chudren, share your wisdom! * whistling and grinding pepper with mortar*
Dear NHW,
You are doing a great job and I really appreciate all the efforts you have been putting in encouraging our young wives and mothers. Please I have a pressing problem and it concerns my 25 year old daughter who just finished from a private university in Nigeria.
I just found out that my daughter is having an affair with a very close friend’s husband. This my friend is like a sister to me. My friend is the same age as me, 50 years and I know the husband is about 5 years older. So that puts him at around 55 years of age.
My daughter just graduated and so is awaiting NYSC and because of this, she is usually at home alone. I work in the Ministry of Education and so I usually leave for work at 8am and close at 4pm. One day, I forgot the keys to one of my drawers and so had to come back home. Only for me to get to the house and I saw my friend’s husband’s car parked outside. I was wondering why he had come because my husband isn’t around and he works in Abuja. I got really worried hoping that there was no problem. All sorts of things crossed my mind but not what I walked into!
I met my daughter and this man kissing and fondling each other!! I screamed “Blood of Jesus” and of course, that disentangled them. I broke down in tears and nothing could console me. I asked them why but they didn’t reply. All the man did, was to pack his clothes and leave.
My daughter told me that they have been in this relationship for almost three years now. I didn’t raise my daughter this way! I have told her to break off from this sin but you know what my daughter said to me? She says that they are way too deep into the relationship and can’t break up just like that. That she would rather kill herself than leave him! My heart is full of sorrow.
I am not even sure if my friend is in the know. And if she is not and she finds out later that I know, how will she take it? I don’t think I can bear the thought of knowing my daughter had a hand in her marital problems. I never dated a married man, so why is this happening to me?
Please NHW, publish this so that I can get an advice on what to do. A part of me is saying that I should expose my daughter so that she will be so disgraced and then leave somebody’s husband. Another mind is telling me to protect her so that me myself will not be put to shame.
Help me O! Please O! My BP is rising slowly and I know it is because of this problem.
*Mummy, sorry. I can feel your pain because I am a mother too and I know how it would feel if my daughter did the same. There is nothing God can’t do. Please try and get closer to your daughter and let her know the consequences of her action especially in the eyes of God. Fast and Pray too for I know God is not in support of this relationship. May God grant you the wisdom to handle this problem*


  1. I think the first thing to do is to figure out what kind of relationship she has with the daughter; are they close? what could have led her child to begin to date older married men? was there something in their lives that makes the girl feel she needs to date an older man to fill that void? The reality is that the man is most likely dating other women so telling her friend about it wouldn't make things better. She needs to pray for herself and her daughter.


  2. Disgrace the stupid girl joor, maami! No look face…report the matter to your friend. She is an adult and so she can face d music.


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