WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY FAILED MARRIAGE

Before I got married, I always prayed I would marry the right person but what I failed to pray for, was the right attitude so that I could be the right person.

Looking back, I can see clearly now the mistakes I made. My ex-husband (Gosh, this word feels so weird) had his own role to play in the breakup, but like the Chinese man would say, “There is no excuse for failure”.

They always said the man is the ‘head’ while the wife is the ‘neck’ and that without the neck, the head wouldn’t stand. So true this is. I don’t understand why all these is suddenly making sense! Or is it because I am suddenly experiencing problems.

First of all, I should have made God a foundation of my home. I didn’t think it was all that important praying together as a family as long as we said our own individual prayers. Wrong! A family that prays together, stays together. God has a way of weathering the storms in the marriage.

Secondly, I involved too many people in my marital squabbles, especially my friends (or so I thought). How can you call people who advise you to leave your husband or watch you pack your things out of your house for no cogent reason, your friends?! Meanwhile, their homes are still intact. None of them asked me to intensify my prayers or even offered to pray for me.

Thirdly, I should never had involved my parents. Trust me, parents always take sides and they fight to finish! They never again see the good in your spouse even when they try to be better.

Fourthly, two wrongs don’t make a right. I should have listened while my husband aired his thoughts but I always wanted to have the last word. In short we never listened to each other. I really wish I could turn back the hands of time so that I would wait patiently until I saw he was calmer and then explained better.

Lastly, I should never have moved out of my home during our fights, not even for a second. Major mistake. I should have remained and claimed my position. The minute you leave, a lot of things happen as it did in my case. I only needed a break, just for a while so as to clear my head. Hmmm…well you guessed right. ‘She’ moved in and would only leave when ‘she’ knew I was coming back. Believe me, I wish I knew the ‘she’ because they were too many!

Divorce is awful. Divorce is incredibly painful. God hates divorce. I have never believed in divorce but firmly believe it should be used as a last resort in extreme cases such as Domestic Violence or Intimate Partner Abuse.

I am not writing this to gain sympathy from people but to advise that one shouldn’t readily choose divorce as an option. When your marriage is being threatened, that is the time for one to look inwards and see what you could change in oneself or improve. That is not the time to be apportioning blames on your partner.

Jenny.

3 thoughts on “WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY FAILED MARRIAGE

  1. It is bad you had to learn this way, but at least you learnt. Some are still misguided by ego and pride. I have learnt to conquer all battles on my knees. It really isn't easy having to keep mum and wait for the air to clear, but it is all worth it at the end. Thanks for sharing, one keeps learning!

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  2. The only solution is prayers. Faith in a God who never disappoints. There are so many factors to a failed marriage. Succintly put, no simple, single cause. Even on the edge of a divorce, if u are willing to work on ur marriage/remove the judgement seat, u wl lk back and praise God. I suggest we trust God and remember His recipe for harmony in every situation. Prayer and honest down to earth dialogue. Tx once again.

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  3. Very true,divorce shdnt be the way out,its a. Lifetime contract and U̶̲̥̅̊ aren't allowed to breach it.I learnt my own lessons too thank God I quickly knew hw to go oNn my knEes.And be very weary of Friends o,Never tell them ur business.

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