I read this article in which Ara, the female celebrity drummer shared her feelings about her fears being under a man’s wings! I was made to understand that she had broken up from her husband of 3 years ( sometimes, it’s puzzling how adults work in and out marriage especially when it is not on the grounds of domestic violence or infidelity).
After I read her story and found out that the marriage didn’t fail because of ‘another woman’ as I had initially thought or domestic violence, I started thinking…what then can make a woman walk out of her marriage. Like she says, it’s way deeper than I think….Hmmm. Any ways read on and let’s deliberate on the issues that can make a woman leave her marriage.
“…Her then husband maltreated her, and she later discovered he had another marriage aside theirs. Here is what she said about marrying again.
I have someone i have a strong feeling for but i guess my fear of commitment has kept me from going further. I am going through counseling now, but i am afraid to live with a man again.
I want to love again, i want to have more children but my fear is still there. My marriage didn’t pack up because of another woman. No, it is much deeper than that for me.
I believe a man is capable of sharing his affection. after all, most of us come from a polygamous setting. having more than one wife does not stop you from being happy, the tendency of getting violent will not even be there. it has not been easy but i don’t want to make another mistake.
Then people will say she is the one that has the problem. i want to get married but i am being careful. I want to love again, share and care but i have to be careful. there is no age you cannot find love. For now, i am in a relationship”.
Now have you guys read what I am talking about. One thing I have realized is that, emotional abuse can be as terrible as physical abuse! Let us not lie, sometimes marrying a Nigerian man can be somewhat complex. I am sorry to say that I feel they get envious and threatened of the strength in us Nigerian women. If we were not really under them, we have the capacity to soar to great heights and achieve a lot of things but No, our pace is slowed down all because, the men want to be in total control!
It can be very annoying,I tell you. If you are a woman who is married to a man with low self-esteem, he will constantly be threatened by what his wife is capable of achieving and he can start misbehaving by slowly disengaging from his wife emotionally, thereby putting her through psychological trauma.
Look at someone like Ara, she is a successful woman and mother. Some men will find that hard to handle. In some cases, these men can ask their wives to stop work and be a stay-at-home mum or have extra-marital affairs. And if the woman refuses to be subjected to ‘slavery’, she will be looked at as being ‘not submissive’!
Mnyle, haven’t you read about widows who became great achievers especially when their husbands died. God forbid sha, it is not and will never be our portion IJN! Nobody knew or heard about them until their husbands R.I.P.
But come O, sometimes a marriage won’t work if the woman herself has eyes outside. Having an intimate relationship outside your marriage can be a basis for comparison. A woman can start comparing her husband with her lover. Of cos what do you expect, the lover will treat you better, wait until you go under his wings…his wings I said O not yours! Lol! Na God go help us sha.
Anyway, I still maintain that it is important that we women incorporate God as a foundation in our marriage. Since there are many ways to kill a cat, walking out of a marriage is not an option especially when it is not on the basis of abuse or worse case scenario infidelity.
Sorry, let me just chip in that any woman leaving her husband because of infidelity, is just fooling herself. There is no guarantee that the next man you meet wouldn’t do worse. Infidelity runs deep in a man’s vein, it is only God that helps some avoid it. So we had better wake up and smell the coffee and fight for what is rightfully ours ( not physically O!).
Chat with you guys later, let me go and cook! *eyes rolling*