Just the other day, my aunt referred a young lady to me for counseling. The minute she walked into my office, I could tell what the problem was. She had that LOOK! The look that any other woman would have if there was a problem in her home or marriage. And what struck me most was how young and naive she looked. Or was it her inexperience that made her appear so young and painfully naive?
I implored her to take a seat and of cos asked her what the problem was. Of cos she replied “Nothing”. “Oh pulizz! You mean Aunty brought you here to see me for nothing?!”, I replied. Within few seconds that passed by, I took time to study her…she appeared frail, worn out, disheveled. It appeared she hadn’t been sleeping. Eeyah, what a pretty girl and she could do better with her looks. Her sobs jolted me back to reality and then her story started…
She is 28years old. She has been married for 4years now and has a son who would soon turn 3years old. She is married to a wealthy Engineer who is not only far more experienced than she is but 15 years older. She is and has always been a full-time housewife (I use the term ‘Housewife’ as she no get any other handwork. ‘Home-maker’ is the term used for housewives with other handwork) since she graduated from University.
She has been trying to get admission into a foreign university but luck hasn’t been on her side. Infact, luck ran out on her when she overstayed the 4weeks she applied for in the U.K. She claims she thought the 6 months given to her was for one trip, so she stayed for 5 months (Duh?!). This left her devastated and her hopes for travelling to the U.K in the nearest future slim! Funnily, her husband who appeared to be a concerned and caring husband was ready to spend all his cash to ensure she studied abroad. And each time she didn’t get the admission, he would be so upset even more than the applicant herself which left her baffled.
The ‘koko’ of the matter is that this husband has not slept with this young lady, his wife, since last year February , that’s over a year! (Wow! I didn’t know such marriages existed where sex is extinct!). Infact, the year before last, he only made love to her thrice. I asked if she had confronted him about it and she said ‘Yes’. Then “What was his reply?”, I had to ask. “Nothing”, she replied. She says that’s not even all, that she saw evidences that he cheating on her with another woman. When she confronted him about it, he got really upset and she ended up apologizing to him! What the F@#*k?! Words cannot express how pissed I was with her.
She moved out of the house when she noticed that he wasn’t ready to change his ways. I asked whether he came to get her from wherever she went and she replies no. So how did you resolve te matter?h She moved back to the house after some months and while she was away, her husband did not bother to call or even visit her. The sad part is that nothing has changed since she moved in or when she reported the matter to his parents. So right now she is frustrated.
Well I had heard enough. I asked her one question “Do you pray with your husband?”. I wasn’t surprised when she said “No”. What people don’t know is that “A family that prays together stays together”. God is the one that builds and sustains the institution called ‘Marriage’. Without God in a home, there will be cracks large enough for the devil to enter thereby causing havoc.
Secondly, I don’t understand why a spouse would decide to leave the matrimonial home when there is a quarrel! You do all your quarreling in the confines of your bedroom, infact the bed. You must never leave your home. That is exactly what the devil wants.
Thirdly, as a woman, you must continue to look for ways to refine yourself, academically, spiritually fashionly. You must always look groomed and trendy admist adversities. You must improve on your self-image and self-worth. If you don’t know how, visit a clinical psychologist today.
Fourthly, do not concern yourself about the ‘other woman’. She is not important. God will deal with her in His own time.
Finally, you must never give up or lose hope or faith in your marriage. Successful marriages go through trials and tribulations
This I told her and many more. I told her she needs to go and rebuild herself inside and outside in order to fight to keep her home.
May God be with us in our homes. Amen
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