The thing about having friends…

I remember my childhood days, when I would invite loads of my friends to the house ( sometimes they would come uninvited), and my dad (who was a professor at that time) would have this look of disapproval on his face and I’ll be like, ” this man will not allow someone enjoy sef”. He always did that every time he saw us with not one or two friends but more.

My dad always preached against too many friends and he never bought the idea of visiting friends too( I guess that’s why I have a poor habit of calling and visiting friends). He gave us quite a number of reasons, after we rebelled severally and felt he hated seeing us happy or maybe the idea of having friends:

  1. Having too many friends (more than 2 to be precise) can be very distracting, especially in achieving your personal goals.
  2. You can trust too many people at once. One or many out of them is bound to ‘harm’ you, either physically or mentally, and these days spiritually. Lol!
  3. On the issue of visiting, my dad always told us it has to be purposeful. You can just get up and go disrupt people’s schedules, all in the name of visiting! Or allow people just come into your space just for the sake of ‘gisting’.

Those were basically the reasons behind the campaign against friendship. However, as kids we had no choice but to comply whether you bought his reasons or not, if not you or your friend(s) stood a chance of being snobbed or embarrassed. Oh, tell me about it, my dad had this westernised way of looking down at you if you behaved badly or you deliberately made yourself an outcast.

Fast forward to now, I see a lot of sense in what (as far as I’m concerned) he didn’t explain very well. It was after I had got ‘bitten’ so many times by friends that I realised that everything (well, almost everything) my dad taught us well.

I’ve learnt that it’s safer to count your true friends in one hand. Anything more than a handful, you are on your own hun. I remember how in the past, I worked so hard to get validation for my existence just by hanging out with a truckload of friends, all sorts. It mattered to me what they thought of me and what they didn’t. Lol, now I don’t. As a matter of fact, I found more validation for my existence just hanging out with me and loving me more.

I have also learnt that having too many friends comes with a lot of unnecessary drama. Looking back, Dad didn’t tell us this one o! And this reason is almost the most important. Chai, where do I start from ; is it the endless heresays or the unhealthy competition, or the back-stabbing. Or the unnecessary monitoring spirit. Let me not just start. If you can start eliminating all those unfriendly friends, trust me, you’ll thank me later.

There’s so much mental and emotional freedom that comes with solitude.

I’ve lost a lot of friends because of my unexplained attitude towards friendship. But writing this has made me sort of find closure in understanding why I behave the way I do towards a good friendship. Blame it on my childhood. I don’t call because I don’t want to be a pest and I don’t visit because I do not want to intrude.

Needless to say, friendship is good and a healthy snack to the soul. Good friends stay no matter what.

Friendship should be free, fair and fun. Free in the sense that friends should be able to do what they like when they like. Some friends feel too entitled to your time and life. Hell no… I love me some privacy. Do you and I’ll do me.

Fair in your judgement about each other. If I have hurt you, I think I deserve to give an explanation. Don’t form your opinion about me based on one action or heresay. That will not be considered fair. Everyone learns and unlearns certain behaviour by mere social interaction. So speak out when a friend upsets you and give room for reasonable reconciliation.

Fun should be the whole essence of our friendship. For me, some of my friends know I don’t have a serious bone in me! I try to be serious just to save my life. Lol! So now you know I hate politics and football!

The end of my memory walk…

Have a pleasant week ahead lovelies. Muah!

Just that one moment in time…

Culled from infograph.venngage.com

I’ve tried to push those thoughts, thoughts of that day out of my mind but it’s proving even more difficult. The memories of what I felt still stuck in my head and in my heart…

It was a very exhausting day. I was completely exhausted. It had been a fulfilling day but draining. I couldn’t wait to get into the car and lean on the soft chair at the back seat of the car.

The ride home was quiet, music playing softly at the background, the night breeze just right… My mind reflecting on the work I had accomplished for the day. I was obviously pleased with the outcome.

I was a few minutes away from home when hubby called to pick him up from the lounge (I remember rolling my eyes up in my head… This man can never sit still in his house. A real showman).

While waiting for the green light to come on at a T-junction (oh, how I hate the traffic lights, they cause unnecessary delays for me), a loud and consistent tap on the window of the car on my left side suddenly jolted me back to reality. I see a small creature of say about 4 or 5 years but in reality could be about 8 years, if only life had been kinder to her. She looked like one of those child beggars that could be so annoying. I tried really hard to ignore her, like I always do anyways.

It bothers me really how we live in a country where the government has no plans for people like these. They are left at the mercy of ‘good samaritans’ and that’s if they get lucky. I personally feel these kind gestures from people keeps them on the streets even more. Because one kind gesture from one kind human will spiral the move of the ‘village’ to the streets. News travels fast amongst these people. So my philosophy has always been to not give to anyone on the streets. If they don’t see to get, they’ll leave. I hope my ‘hypothesis’ proves itself one day.

That night was different. Just when my irritation level was rising, the little girl leaves my left side in which my hubby was on and scurries to my side, further increasing the rap on the window. Just as I was about to shoo her away, my eyes caught hers while she kept demonstrating with her dirty small hand that she needed food… and I saw it all in a flash, I mean a flash: extreme exhaustion, hunger, pain, neglect, desperation to live, desperation to be loved, hopelessness… And then she stopped and leaned on the window, as if it were a life line.

In that moment, I desperately searched for a loose cash, any cash really to give to her, just so that she would feel ‘normal’ again. I turned deaf ears to my hubby’s plea not to give because that would encourage ‘them’, her tribe. But something inside of me didn’t stop searching for that cash to give her. I normally wouldn’t do this, but this night was different. My driver finally found a N200 bill and I hurriedly gave it to her, after I had woken her up from her so called sleep on my window. I wished I could have held her tight and given her a kiss, like I would have my kids. 😦

Just that one moment I felt the love a mother would for her child. I couldn’t help but wonder what would become of the N200 bill. Would the child actually use it to get a good meal or would she give it to her ‘master’ who put her on the streets in the first place.

That Bitter- Sweet Feeling of Revenge

That Bitter- Sweet Feeling of Revenge

I felt it. It overwhelmed me for a few seconds and I shook it off almost immediately as I felt it. It just didn’t feel right allowing myself get soaked in Revenge.

I knew my ‘payback’ moment had come. That would have been the perfect time to correct all the wrongdoings that had been done to me in the past. So what stopped me?! God, the priests, my spiritual direction classes, my mum! All their teachings flooded my head just when I was about to execute my long awaited plan. The thoughts of these teachings started in my head then found their way into my heart, melting it to a pulp until I became helpless and annoyingly emotional about everything.

I tried everything possible to turn it back to ‘Revenge’ mode but all I could hear was that voice saying, “Chidi, just let it go. I am bigger than all of these”. And that’s how the narrative changed o! But the Nigerian in me was still trying to see how I could infuse some mischief in the help I was to render but to no avail. The truth is, when God is associated with something, everything is plain pure.

I won’t lie, I was angry. Angry at my helplessness. Angry at how God took over the situation. Angry at how my long awaited revenge just blew up in my face. But guess what, my anger didn’t last long. I felt these invisible hands on my shoulders, softly massaging me to calmness. I tell you, Anger is a horrible feeling and spirit that leaves you drained and in a regrettable situation. I felt drained and sick to my stomach that I almost allowed myself be that vengeful and bitter person.

I immediately wished I could turn back that situation and reply the way I would normally reply to any situation that required my help. I reminded myself again why I was different. I am not a hateful person nor a vengeful person.

That my friends, was my Bitter- sweet moment.

TRY THIS WEIGHT-LOSS WORKOUT

I’m not sure if it really works because nobody has sent in testimonials 🤷‍♀️ but I’m willing to give it a shot. What I find exciting about this kind of workout is the fact that I have to spell my name and use the letters to figure out my exercise routine.

Don’t forget to repeat the workout a second time.

I also think we need to do this for at least 4weeks to appreciate any body change.

Kindly post your pics on Instagram but first :

  1. Follow me on @naijahousewife
  2. Then tag me with @naijahousewife and #spellyourname workout, so that I see your pics and repost on my page.

Happy ‘weightlossing’…lol!!

WHY WE NEED TO PRAY FOR OUR HUSBANDS

WHY WE NEED TO PRAY FOR OUR HUSBANDS

Behind every successful man, is a prayerful and resilient wife

…ever heard of this saying? It’s actually a cliché which a lot of us never really pondered on. Hmmm…

If there’s nothing I’ve learnt in my 15 years plus of marriage, I’ve learnt that truly the minute a man and a woman have formed a union before God (called Marriage), the woman is automatically bestowed with an immense power to indirectly ‘rule’ her home but the man takes the glory.

In the early years of marriage, we are completely overwhelmed by all the problems that come with marriage : emotional, financial, social and spiritual (all these will be expantiated in future posts), that we completely forget to do one thing…PRAY!

We spend so much time thinking and rethinking all our challenges, so much so we allow the devil fill our minds with the fear of the unknown. During this trying period, this unspeakable fear may push us to think, say or do things that will push us further away from God. And still, we do not PRAY!

A lot of us want our husbands to be and do a lot of things…but it’s all in our heads and not from our hearts. Because if it was truly from our hearts, we would understand that it’s not by our power or might or our husbands’ power.

It is true that our husbands can say and do things that make us not want to pray for them. They can be inconsiderate, uncaring, abusive, even negligent. But we should not let all these bad attitude block our efforts in building a happy home. God has said in His Good Book that whatever we bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever we loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

What we need to understand is that the devil doesn’t like union at all, especially one blessed by God! Get off your ‘shego’ (female ego) and submit all manner of bad behavior to God – alcoholism, laziness, bad temper, domestic abuse, infidelity, family negligence, etcetera etcetera.

I found out much later that marriage is not only for enjoyment ; some people start their marriages with trials and tribulations but later end in joy while some start the marriage with ‘over enjoyment’ but experience some turbulence along the journey. Sometimes our hurt and anger for our husbands does not allow our prayers work.

We are the only ones that have the power to release our husbands from whatever bondage they may be in, not even his mother’s prayer or his sister’s prayer is as powerful as ours. While we pray genuinely for our husbands, we also go through spiritual and emotional changes. Our heart becomes right, we start to unburden and become better wives.

Let us PRAY so that we start to reap the benefits. Let us form the habit of looking to God as the source of all we want to see in our in our husbands and in our marriages.

May God help us all in the bid to be happy in our marriages. Amen.