I remember my childhood days, when I would invite loads of my friends to the house ( sometimes they would come uninvited), and my dad (who was a professor at that time) would have this look of disapproval on his face and I’ll be like, ” this man will not allow someone enjoy sef”. He always did that every time he saw us with not one or two friends but more.
My dad always preached against too many friends and he never bought the idea of visiting friends too( I guess that’s why I have a poor habit of calling and visiting friends). He gave us quite a number of reasons, after we rebelled severally and felt he hated seeing us happy or maybe the idea of having friends:
- Having too many friends (more than 2 to be precise) can be very distracting, especially in achieving your personal goals.
- You can trust too many people at once. One or many out of them is bound to ‘harm’ you, either physically or mentally, and these days spiritually. Lol!
- On the issue of visiting, my dad always told us it has to be purposeful. You can just get up and go disrupt people’s schedules, all in the name of visiting! Or allow people just come into your space just for the sake of ‘gisting’.
Those were basically the reasons behind the campaign against friendship. However, as kids we had no choice but to comply whether you bought his reasons or not, if not you or your friend(s) stood a chance of being snobbed or embarrassed. Oh, tell me about it, my dad had this westernised way of looking down at you if you behaved badly or you deliberately made yourself an outcast.
Fast forward to now, I see a lot of sense in what (as far as I’m concerned) he didn’t explain very well. It was after I had got ‘bitten’ so many times by friends that I realised that everything (well, almost everything) my dad taught us well.
I’ve learnt that it’s safer to count your true friends in one hand. Anything more than a handful, you are on your own hun. I remember how in the past, I worked so hard to get validation for my existence just by hanging out with a truckload of friends, all sorts. It mattered to me what they thought of me and what they didn’t. Lol, now I don’t. As a matter of fact, I found more validation for my existence just hanging out with me and loving me more.
I have also learnt that having too many friends comes with a lot of unnecessary drama. Looking back, Dad didn’t tell us this one o! And this reason is almost the most important. Chai, where do I start from ; is it the endless heresays or the unhealthy competition, or the back-stabbing. Or the unnecessary monitoring spirit. Let me not just start. If you can start eliminating all those unfriendly friends, trust me, you’ll thank me later.
There’s so much mental and emotional freedom that comes with solitude.
I’ve lost a lot of friends because of my unexplained attitude towards friendship. But writing this has made me sort of find closure in understanding why I behave the way I do towards a good friendship. Blame it on my childhood. I don’t call because I don’t want to be a pest and I don’t visit because I do not want to intrude.
Needless to say, friendship is good and a healthy snack to the soul. Good friends stay no matter what.
Friendship should be free, fair and fun. Free in the sense that friends should be able to do what they like when they like. Some friends feel too entitled to your time and life. Hell no… I love me some privacy. Do you and I’ll do me.
Fair in your judgement about each other. If I have hurt you, I think I deserve to give an explanation. Don’t form your opinion about me based on one action or heresay. That will not be considered fair. Everyone learns and unlearns certain behaviour by mere social interaction. So speak out when a friend upsets you and give room for reasonable reconciliation.
Fun should be the whole essence of our friendship. For me, some of my friends know I don’t have a serious bone in me! I try to be serious just to save my life. Lol! So now you know I hate politics and football!
The end of my memory walk…
Have a pleasant week ahead lovelies. Muah!