GETTING MY KIDS TO EARN THEIR KEEP

GETTING MY KIDS TO EARN THEIR KEEP

So my older kids got fed up of the usual ‘ ₦1,500 per week’ pocket money and asked for a raise! And I’m like “Really?! You guys have to work for it o!”

My kids look at me like what in the world is she talking about, “It’s your job to take care of us”.

For as long as I can remember, my kids practically drive me bunkers trying to get them to do even the simplest of all chores! Now this was a golden opportunity to monetize each chore as long as they were properly done. *Hehehe

My son wants to drive my car but is not ready to wash the car like he owns it (who does that?!); my daughter wimps each time she has to tidy the kitchen (but she does it well anyways, it’s just the wimping that gets to me)…Amma relax ‘cos I see a lot of good coming out of these.

So I gather my brood and practically give them a lecture on the need to get rid of the ‘Entitlement Syndrome’ as well as the importance of being self-reliant. They eventually agreed to ₦200 per chore. But the chore has to be carried out properly. Failure to comply, the sum of ₦100 will be deducted. ‘Shakena!’

For some time now, motherhood has become more fulfilling and quite interesting, especially ever since I discovered the key to demystifying my kids!

So, my take on getting your kids to be more responsible is to first of all, understand your kids, understand what will definitely get their attention and what will most definitely not, know the different parenting styles (check here) and choose the one that will do the ‘trick’

So help us God. Amen

RESENTMENT, NO 1 KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS

RESENTMENT, NO 1 KILLER OF RELATIONSHIPS

Now, who says supposedly ‘happily married’ couples don’t have issues?! Helloooo?!…if you feel like that and you are still on my page… kindly leave, as in quietly! Lol… okay, hold on… just stay and learn.

Apart from the many problems in marriage I know of, the one major one I can categorically tell you about is ‘Resentment’. This one is a slow poison that will not only consume you and your partner, but everything connected to your partner, be it living or non-living. And if not treated on time, it could affect every aspect of one’s life: focusing on your goals, forming relations (particularly healthy ones), living a genuinely happy life. Trust me, you don’t need these myriad of problems!

Resentment stems up mostly from Unmet Expectations. That is your spouse or partner hasn’t lived up to your criteria or expectations, especially when you feel you have put in 100% of yourself emotionally and physically. It further increases when he or she continues to exhibit behaviours that got you to that point in the first place. Wow!

I’ll give examples, so that it doesn’t feel like I’m blabbing. The examples will also help someone who has probably been living in denial start to understand whatever ‘poisonous’ emotions he or she may be going through.

Scenario 1

A man who feels he contributes more financially and sometimes physically in a relationship. Everytime he gets home each day and sees his wife or partner looking relaxed VERY relaxed. He assumes automatically that he’s the only one carrying he burden of the house. He doesn’t talk about it but just stores all this pent-up anger inside.

Scenario 2

A partner who feels totally neglected in her material needs despite all she puts on the table; she does EVERYTHING that you can think of in the house. Despite everything, she doesn’t get a thank you, not even a praise.

Scenario 3

A supposed joint account that an aggrieved partner doesn’t have access to. He or she is not even allowed to so much as smell the cheque book. All he or she knows is that at every point in time, he or she is expected to put a certain amount into that account.

I could go on and on, but the point is the feelings emanating from different situations are still very much the same.

Did I ever experience this feeling? Yes. And I’m sure I’m not the only one that sailed in this ship. The truth is that, nobody likes to be cheated by their ‘best friend’ or close buddy. Everyone loves to feel like they are on the same page as their partner.

So how do you get over this negative emotion, you may ask? Well, I’ll share with you some of my tips (practical ones o!) :

  1. Make God the center of your relationship and whatever decisions you intend to take. In short, pray ceaselessly. Because whether you like it or not, you require divine understanding of whatever situation you may be going through.
  2. Confide in a close pal or your spiritual leader. You never know how God wants to help you. It may be through a counsel from that trusted person. Besides the counsel, it gives a good feeling to get some load off your chest… or do you want to die young and unfulfilled? Just talk.
  3. Communicate your feelings to your spouse or partner. For all you know, he or she may be unaware of the resentments you harbour. You won’t lose anything if you express yourself. The more you express yourself, at the appropriate time though, the better you feel about your partner.
  4. For crying out loud! No one owes you anything. You owe yourself everything: a life full of happiness, proposed goals. Get rid of that ‘entitlement’ mentality. You are his wife, and so?! I’m the next of kin and so?

Finally , kindly end this pity party and start living a mentally healthy life.

N.B If you are going through this emotion now and you need neutral person to talk to and possibly a referral to a psychologist, send a message to this number on whatsapp 08185553713.

Only serious people will be attended to OR else you will be blocked permanently! Once your session is over, it is over! Don’t send a message about how the cock tried crossing the road and got killed…you will be blocked, I promise.

“RACE AGAINST TIME”

My head is banging. I can hear my heart beat really fast. The energy completely drained from me, like an alien had zapped it while I was asleep at night! If only I could just lift a limb out of the bed, then maybe, just maybe, my energy would be restored. But I can’t even lift my eyelid…

I tried to drift back to sleep but sleep suddenly has ‘deserted’ me! With my eyes still shut, I do some deep soul-searching…Hmm. These feelings are all too familiar. But, why am I feeling this way? Could it be work? Hubby? Personal goals? My spiritual life? Kids? Debtors? Creditors?

Oh! Oh! Oh!…the tasks ahead of me! They are just too many things I need to do and complete by the end of today. I hate carrying work over to the next day…it’s just an endless vicious cycle. I can’t stand these feelings anymore…I need a permanent solution!

I’ve decided to prioritize my activities (this is so cliche! *eyes rolling) as time goes by. I’ll time every activity, I”ll even time my laughing! Putting my activities on a roll call doesn’t just cut it…Nah.

I can feel my energy seeping in slowly. Wow! The headache is all gone. My heartbeat suddenly back to normal.

So that was problem, TIME…My race against time…

I hope this good feeling last long enough for me to achieve my scheduled activities…well, lets keep our fingers crossed till the end of the day!

I LET EVENT RUN ITS COURSE

I LET EVENT RUN ITS COURSE

I heard the loud banter outside my room, but I chose to ignore. I knew the norm was to get up from my bed and ask what the matter was, but I still chose not. Let me just watch what the end result would be, I decided.
The noise grew louder… And louder. Then wails. It sounded like my last daughter. I should get up and ask, but no, I could hear my first son shouting, obviously at someone. His words where difficult to understand but I could make out that he was speaking rudely at someone. Ironically, I was pleased. He’s grown so much; he’s voice now deep; chest seemed broad, not to mention his ‘towering’ height. 

I knew he wouldn’t forget The Rules: No Beating Anyone or Fighting. You can shout as much as you want but thou shalt not raise thy hands. 

I’ve raised my kids well, especially they know to respect their elders, but never to be taken advantage of, bullied or disrespected. So deep inside of me, I sort of had the feeling of ‘Situation under Control’. 

I wasn’t surprised when I heard a loud knock on my door… I was long expecting, was surprised it hadn’t come sooner. Just as I had imagined it, my kids needed me to know what was going on. My little girl coming in with an exaggerated wail, holding her right knee. I couldn’t resist rolling my eyes in my head! My son, barging in with an obviously exaggerated scowl, hoping to get a 2 thumbs up for what he was about to tell me… and yes, I indulged him! Even before he began his statement, my thumbs were up… Sorry, I just couldn’t help it. 

I heard everything… Partly their fault, partly their Aunt’s fault. Well, what can I say, stuff happens. Maybe if Aunt had spoken gently, she wouldn’t need to have shoved my little girl violently, who fell in the process and hit her knee on the edge of the door. All in the bid to get her to have her bath. And her ‘Super-hero’ brother wouldn’t have shouted furiously at Aunt and told her a few hard words. *smacking my lips

I felt good knowing that my kids can stand up for themselves. I raise my kids to be respectful but not be afraid of anyone, so absolutely no apologies. Nada. 

For the rest of the morning, I couldn’t help but notice Aunt keep a reasonable distance from the kids. 

O, well… That’s life. 

Time to watch Zee world… Twist of Fate to be exact.